I RANG THE BELL (DING, DING)

Monday, January 28, 2019, I RANG THE BELL. The sound for me was the end of a very long journey to feeling better and living better. As I rang that bell and bashfully, looked, around at all the faces that will ring that bell behind me one day. I pray/know that they will.

Ringing that bell made me think about everything that I planned to accomplish. Every dream that I ever had (Kim Walton) flashed before me. The biggest smile spread across my face, I almost felt giddy. That feeling was freedom, I felt free! After four long years, I felt free. This journey shook me in ways concerning my body and mind. I found myself crying, again at night, feeling helpless, and vulnerable at times. I also found myself talking more to my mom, who has been deceased for many years now. I found myself sharing, my feelings of hatred, towards people, situations, and just life in general with her. I talked so much to her that I know that I disturbed her rest lol. I won't lie; it took some time for me to find my center again and more time for me to realize that it was okay to be off as they say. The key for me was to let go of the whys. Why this, why that? Or constantly saying but I’m a good person and so on!

My journey has been no different than anyone else in my situation. I believe that when you go through something so life-changing, that you the person must change as well, or that it will have a changing effect on you. I had met those that were so negative, about their circumstances in life. That I wondered even if their bodies were to heal, would their minds heal? I did not want to be like that. I have never been a negative person and the last thing I wanted, was to become bitter because life threw me a curveball. I thought back over everything I had been through. From being a single mom working, multiple jobs just to make it. to sitting up at night while the kids slept, getting my own homework done for that career advancement I was hunting.

The ringing of that bell brought it all home; what was important, and what was yet to come in my life. For those who have yet to ring that bell, please don’t get lost in the negative. That affects your health just as much as any illness. Remember that those who ring that bell may be ringing it for the first time or the sixth time. Don’t focus on how many times that bell rang, focus on what it signifies. That those dreams you always wanted to accomplish? That you should go for them! That you should remove, those negative people and behaviors out of your life and mind.

Present

One of my kids asked, me what’s next mom. Do you plan to go back to the school system? Honestly, I don’t know what’s next concerning a 9 to 5 job just yet. I do know that I plan to finish two books this year, work on growing my book clubs membership. Of course; I will be dusting, off that resume. After four years that thing has to have gray dust on it lol. I’m taking it one day at a time and embracing everything along the way. Damn, I RANG THAT BELL!

If you ever need to talk, just have someone listen, or you need moral support. Please, email me. I understand how hard it is to talk to those who are not going through what you are.

I took this to remind myself that I am me, embrace that new skin, and that I got things to do. Oh yeah, I look good lol